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vegetable inks
100% recycled paper
Humya's Gifts is funny and irreverent with a healthy dose of the supernatural. It's written to be enjoyed by everyone,
boy or girl, man or woman.
It's all about Krissey a teenage girl with attitude.
(though she wishes it was altitude)
Readers who enjoy Paul Jennings,
John Marsden andAndy Griffiths
(for the emphasis on poo, spew, farts and other bodily atrocities that humans perform)
will probably think this is alright too
Mum's funny about smells. Dad said Mum could smell a pee under thirteen mattresses. She named our two dogs Skunk and Stink. Both of them were supposed to stay outside because Mum can't stand the smell. They both sit on the doorstep and you have to jump over them. Mum calls them Mongrels, Dad calls them Crossbreeds, though he calls them much worse when they muck around in the garden. Dad had the sprinkler on his veggie garden once and Skunk and Stink were racing around and around trying to bite the spray - by the time Dad found out there was only a row of Brussels sprouts left. If it were me,
I would have jumped on those first.
Krissey comes from a family with 9 kids. So when her teacher starts the Alone
Spot Experiment she finds it impossible. Desperate, she takes off to Sandy Bottom Creek for the night leaving a note for her parents, and taking the two dogs Stink and Skunk.
She meets up with Shane and George, they're hunting for aliens.
Only the aliens find them first.
Spot Experiment she finds it impossible. Desperate, she takes off to Sandy Bottom Creek for the night leaving a note for her parents, and taking the two dogs Stink and Skunk.
She meets up with Shane and George, they're hunting for aliens.
Only the aliens find them first.
Tamara was in the bath last week when we
heard her screaming, we all ran in
expecting something terrible. She was
cornered up against the tap as far as she
could go by a big floating poo.
The amazing thing was the little poo floating at the bottom of the big one. It looked just like an exclamation mark. It sure made her scream. Dad fished it out with a pot from the kitchen and Bryan wouldn't eat anything cooked in it for a week.
The amazing thing was the little poo floating at the bottom of the big one. It looked just like an exclamation mark. It sure made her scream. Dad fished it out with a pot from the kitchen and Bryan wouldn't eat anything cooked in it for a week.
Ever been bullied and imagined you could get your own
back using magical powers? Shane's the nice kid in Krissey's
class, Andrew is not. Andrew gets a kick out of kicking Shane
until Shane's alien gift kicks back!
I was so excited I forgot to breathe…
I went another half a block on my bike before I remembered to - the world went woozy
and I had to stop - so it was on the side
of the road with my head
between my knees that I had my break through.
"Poo Stinks" I said loudly,
and it wasn't because I'd farted either.
I knew the one thing in the world that I was good at.
Poo jokes. I was going to be a comedian and my first show would be called 'Poo Stinks'.
I had my school bag on my back. I flipped it open
and grabbed my pen and in between a whirl of
faint stars I wrote the beginnings of
my first shot at fame.
I was going to be famous -
famous for faecal matter.
I could hardly wait.
I went another half a block on my bike before I remembered to - the world went woozy
and I had to stop - so it was on the side
of the road with my head
between my knees that I had my break through.
"Poo Stinks" I said loudly,
and it wasn't because I'd farted either.
I knew the one thing in the world that I was good at.
Poo jokes. I was going to be a comedian and my first show would be called 'Poo Stinks'.
I had my school bag on my back. I flipped it open
and grabbed my pen and in between a whirl of
faint stars I wrote the beginnings of
my first shot at fame.
I was going to be famous -
famous for faecal matter.
I could hardly wait.
It amazes me, if a month ago I'd said I
wanted to dig up the backyard and grow
thirty-four varieties of organic vegetables I
would have been caged in a zoo and fed
hamburgers on the end of a pole. Only now
it was completely different.
Even Mr Muldoon from across the road came over with strawberry runners and showed me how to plant them. "Full of C, he said, I think there's a fair bit of calcium too." It left me dumbfounded. Mr Muldoon has a particular dislike for children bearing the Bertram family name.
Not that he's without reason. I grinned thinking of how Lachlan had
knocked on his door wearing
Mum's bra.
Even Mr Muldoon from across the road came over with strawberry runners and showed me how to plant them. "Full of C, he said, I think there's a fair bit of calcium too." It left me dumbfounded. Mr Muldoon has a particular dislike for children bearing the Bertram family name.
Not that he's without reason. I grinned thinking of how Lachlan had
knocked on his door wearing
Mum's bra.
Here's a challenge, get through the Gift of Goodbye without
having a great big blubbering, snot covered howl.
The culmination of the four books, Christina finally gets her gift. It isn't what she thought it might be,or what she tries to force it into. It's something completely different. Sniff, sniff.
The culmination of the four books, Christina finally gets her gift. It isn't what she thought it might be,or what she tries to force it into. It's something completely different. Sniff, sniff.
George's the smart one. His goal is to read the entire library.
Only it's taking too long. He discovers he can push books into
the side of his head, the ink disappears from the pages, but the
knowledge remains in his brain. He overloads his human hard
drive. But there's more to Humya's gift than he realises. George's
gift leads them on an adventure none of them could have
guessed and finally George understands the true nature of
Humya's gift.
The four books are free until we decide
they're not anymore.
This will be when we've discovered a way to make lots of money out of them,
or Linda just feeling cantankerous.
Which ever comes first
This will be when we've discovered a way to make lots of money out of them,
or Linda just feeling cantankerous.
Which ever comes first
If you read them, whether you like 'em or hate 'em -we'd like to know.
Feedback/reviews can be sent to lintrezza@skymesh.com.au
Feedback/reviews can be sent to lintrezza@skymesh.com.au
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